----------------------------------- PokerGuru 24.04.2007, 20:19 LOL! Getting in good physical shape for the sport of POKER! ----------------------------------- Well, my pokering PCers, summer will soon be here.....and lots of poker games and tournies will be held very quietly in the convention rooms of beachfront hotels. You know what that means! To look your best in your bathing suits and trunks, you just gotta loose a few of those pounds you put on while hibernating from the cold during winter. And unlike bears, we tend to snack a lot while we are hibernating! So, while I was thinking of what I could do to put you in the best shape in every way for all the upcoming poker events, I conducted a search to find a good doctor who could give us all some great advice to get in shape for our "spring training". Not just any doctor for my PCers. Oh no! He had to be as different from other doctors as we here at PC are different from all other poker players! I finally found a good one and submitted a list of questions to him, on your behalf. So get ready, poker players! Pay attention to these Qs and As. You have to feel your best to play your best, and here's how: HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! ! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! ! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!! ----------------------------------- Bower50 24.04.2007, 20:56 ----------------------------------- LOL!!!!Great advice Doc. One more for everyone: I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ----------------------------------- PokerGuru 25.04.2007, 04:05 ----------------------------------- LOL, Bower! You have a point. How about this one: Those people who insist on always eating natural foods are gonna feel mighty silly someday when they find themselves in a hospital bed, dying of natural causes! LOL! Your Guru P.S. I hope everybody understands we are just having fun with this topic, tongue in cheek! ----------------------------------- ALW01 25.04.2007, 16:37 ----------------------------------- Love your sense of humour, Make mine a dry wit wine, Alan