AN OPEN LETTER

Posts: 2057 · Posted: 05.04.2007, 15:05

i hope this is ok because i just got this one & i know the women feel this letter & the men, well you should be feeling it lol...................................................

AN OPEN LETTER TO
> MR. JAMES THATCHER,
> BRAND MANAGER,
> PROCTER & GAMBLE.

> February 6, 2007
>
Dear Mr. Thatcher,

> I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads
> for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their
> features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or
> Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
> horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
> steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
> be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being
> the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
> it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
> you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
> there's a little F-16 in my pants.
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
> Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you
> haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
> right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
> forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
> minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
> transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
> inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human
> body amazing?
> As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division,
> you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
> exactly happens during your customers' monthly
> visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about
> the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
> about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and
> out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
> tough time for most women. In fact, only last week,
> my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove
> her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman
> Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
> Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The
> point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
> America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in
> capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my
> letter.
> Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
> painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
> out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
> there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
> words: "Have a Happy Period."

> Are you *please do not swear* kidding me?

> What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-manager brain really think happinessactual
> smiling, laughing happinessis possible during a
> menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound
> the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
> unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
> there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
> which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
> Kahla and lock yourself in your house just so you
> don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a
> hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in
> a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your
> head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic
> message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
> to say something that's actually pertinent, like
> "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
> Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
> Sir, please inform your accounting department that,
> effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
> monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
> maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
> certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one
> minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit.
> And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
> Best,
> Wendi Aarons