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Poker Guru Lessons (archive) - Poker story CONTEST (ends Oct. 30)
PokerGuru - 05.10.2006, 12:44
Post subject: Poker story CONTEST (ends Oct. 30)
Okay, gang, I am running a little late, but here's the plan:
As soon as I finish posting this new contest for October, I will have some coffee and then start posting the winners for September. Thank you for your patience. You won't have to wait much longer to know who won what in September!
NOW FOR THIS ONE: Let's just have some fun for a change. Let's make up a never-ending poker story that will have to end on October 30th.
I will start it out, then the next poster add as much as you want, and the next poster start where that one left off and add more to the story.
You know how fishermen tell big stories. Well, you can make this one as outrageous as you want to so we can prove that poker players can tell them as well as fishermen! Make as many posts as you wish. Each person pick up the story where the last person left off and keep the story going.
Thanks to Char1984 for this contest idea!!!!!
One of the prizes will be $30 Neteller cash. That will be the first name drawn from my humidor. Everybody who posts gets their name put in as many times as they post and add more to the story. (That is my big idea. LOL) Other prizes will be PC points that you can exchange for cash when you win another cash prize contest.
Usual contest rules apply.
Okay, let me get this Unending Poker Story started:
One evening when I was bored, I decided to invite a bunch of friends over for the coming weekend for a weekend-long poker party, with everybody free to come and go as they please, sitting in or sitting out when they want to. The first one to arrive Friday evening was.......
allight - 05.10.2006, 19:36
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....Beckie who brought along her entire softball league to sit on the rail and root her on, knowing she needed ANY advantage she could get to take on the poker guru. Needless to say, Guru's home was already very full with people and only the first player had arrived. Things got even more crowded when....
mojojds - 05.10.2006, 23:11
Post subject: contest
Allight showed up with his little group from a sex education class he is taking. Poker Guru had to tell him numerous times that we were not gonna play poker with his naked lady deck. Thats when
mojojds
darrin6 - 05.10.2006, 23:14
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Things got even more crowded when....
Allight parachuted in, necessitated by the streets being blocked for miles by Beckie's railbirding ballers. Not to be outdone, allight brought along the 67th Tactical Fighter Squadron "Fighting Cocks" for ground support........
beckie33 - 05.10.2006, 23:19
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when suddenly...the Poker Guru appeared in Maw's red boots!!! 
Allight took one look at them and said....
darrin6 - 06.10.2006, 01:47
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"Holy Rub-A-Dubs! I knew I was under-dressed." With that, there was a knock at the door.....
valeria - 06.10.2006, 03:02
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Who do you think showed up but ALL the people from Casino-Crush!
The party really started going as they all brought along food and drinks.
Since there was no more room in the house many brought along card tables, poker chips and decks of cards. They all decided to play a marathon poker game like at the WSOP!
Ater much noise, disorganization and teasing ribbing at the Guru for coming up with this idea in the first place.. the tables were set, the cards on the table, food served and drinks consumed the marathon party was about to begin when....
royalblush - 06.10.2006, 05:14
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a police car screeched to a stop on the circular drive right at the front door and on one side out stepped a uniformed officer and on the other side out jumped a barefoot MAW, pointing and screaming, "...............
OrangeCrush - 06.10.2006, 06:15
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"Officer there are my thigh high pointed toe high heeled boots! The PokerGuru is wearing them?" roflmaooooo
(didn't realize the Guru was that kinda guy, I thought possibly a nice black shiny staledo was more his style 
sorry Guru hehee)
When all of a sudden Valeria bolted out of the house with ....
valeria - 06.10.2006, 08:45
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her whip cracking in the air with dbuckler running bare-assed across the yard in front of her yelling "I HAVE A ROYAL FLUSH!!!! EVERYONE STRIP!!"
Royalblush and OrangeCrush were in hysterics rolling on the ground in laughter at this scene. OC finally peed her pants from laughing so hard and yelling "OMG! OMG! OMG!"
Royalblush stumbled to her feet yelling .....
OrangeCrush - 06.10.2006, 12:40
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(oh great the Guru's in womens boots and I peed my pants and this is just the beginning of the month )
roflmaoooo
royalblush - 06.10.2006, 18:14
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What a strange thinge that was for RoyalBlush to say, but it could probably be explained by........
beckie33 - 06.10.2006, 19:00
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the special mix that Mojo put in her lemonade...meanwhile...while Maw was trying to get her boots back......
darrin6 - 06.10.2006, 22:18
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OC whipped out her headset and microphone and started doing live commentary for......you guessed it....ESPeein'. Will the tournament be overshadowed by this unexpected boot scandal? The camera crew scrambles to find maw......
mojojds - 07.10.2006, 00:46
Post subject: contest
But find somthing else very interesting....3 bags of Fish Net Pantyhose....(crotchless of course) But 1 of the bags is empty. As the camera men proceeded to tell OC about there discovery ,they noticed Darrin6 squirming on the ground trying to put them pantyhose on. OMG the camera man said darrin looks like......
mojojds
OrangeCrush - 07.10.2006, 01:09
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A guy flopping around on the ground trying to put crotchless fishnet pantyhose on! But whats this???? One pair of fishnets and 3 no, no there are 4 human legs flopping around on the ground???
We all knew there was something special about Darrin 
lol but ..... ohhhhhh ..... ohhhhhh ...... OH MY GOD .....
valeria - 07.10.2006, 01:30
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He stands up swaying his hips to the rythmn of the band blasting out of speakers somewhere in the back yard. He looks down and spies one of Maws thigh high red high heeled boots Guru had removed to put on one of the pair of fishnet stockings. He takes a step to grab it when...
Bower50 - 07.10.2006, 01:53
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Orangie knocks him silly with bag full of bingo balls saying I need those more than you since I had to discard my soaked panties.
Whoooaa!!What's that coming up the driveway?
OrangeCrush - 07.10.2006, 03:34
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(oh my .... I definately see how this month is going to go for sure.... )
roflmaooo
char1984 - 07.10.2006, 03:36
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up the driveway came NoNo and everyone knew they were caught. nono was in disbelief when she saw?
valeria - 07.10.2006, 04:56
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a big 8 foot 69 sign up on the roof flashing lights blazing! She yelled out "I GOTTA HAVE THAT SIGN!" She tripped over MAWs boot and landed with a thud on top of Guru still struggling with the fishnet crotchless stockings. (He had his foot caught in the crotchless part).
Not to be outdone...
sunspun - 07.10.2006, 07:21
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several members of the party decided they had had enough of these shenanigans, and so, in an attempt to "get this party started", they...
valeria - 07.10.2006, 07:51
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tackled bare-assed dbuckler and explained this wasn't a Strip Poker game.
They took Orangie aside privately and gave her a pair of edible panties (licorice flavored). She wiggled her tush and said "These pink and black laced panties are kind of cute but a little sticky!"
The rest of them just shook their heads as the looked at Darrin and Guru trying to walk around with crotchless fishnet stockings.
Maws boots were gathered (although a little fight ensured recapturing them) and give to Maw to wear again.
OC, Royal and Valeria were mumbling about "party poopers" while NoNo was still drooling over the sign.
There was a pause as everyone caught their breath.. when out of the people filled house came a loud scream! It seems that..
valeria - 07.10.2006, 07:54
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sorry for the typo's above lol I am tired...
OrangeCrush - 07.10.2006, 10:09
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Allight's vibrating underwear's batteries were gone! Someone had taken them .... 
All you could hear was gasps as everyone was watch him .....
roflmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
sunspun - 07.10.2006, 14:51
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demanding a strip search of everyone present before anyone could leave! "No fun without the batteries, you know," he said. "And I'm all about fun, so, let the strip searches begin!"
Amidst the cries of protest could be heard one voice louder than the others, saying, "
beckie33 - 07.10.2006, 16:05
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You all stop that this INSTANT!! Royalbush could not take it anymore..then she pulled out her...
sunspun - 07.10.2006, 16:28
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hair, one by one, 'til she was completely bald!
That made her feel much better.
Someone handed her a Dolly Parton wig, and said, "Wear this til it grows back!"
When she put it on, she...
beckie33 - 07.10.2006, 16:45
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immediatly knew she HAD to have maw's big red boots so she....
darrin6 - 07.10.2006, 17:22
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located the boots using the GPS beacon she had secretly implanted amidst the confusion. The signal led her inside the bathroom to...the clothes hamper?? She slowly opened the lid....
char1984 - 07.10.2006, 17:39
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and out jumped maw who was trying to keep her boots safe with her.she sprung from the hamper ran through the party with royal right behind her trying to get her boots and orange laughing so hard well she turned her edibles into mush on the floor. maw hid behind nono and nono said.........
sunspun - 07.10.2006, 19:38
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"No no!"
So maw stepped back into view and decided she needed to have a security alarm installed on her boots, just to be safe.
Just then, over all the noise could be heard the sound of a spoon being tapped loudly against a glass. Clink, clink, clink, clink... finally, it worked and everyone became quiet, waiting to hear the announcement that the Guru was about to make...
darrin6 - 07.10.2006, 20:08
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"Ahem, there is a BIG poker hand being played here people." The Guru was holding AK suited, and the flop came AAA! He slyly checked to OC, who immediatelately pushed ALL-IN (all her chips and a vibrating "microphone") The Guru called and showed his AK. MUHAHAHA, OC laughed and flipped over her cards...two Jokers in the hole!!!?
allight - 07.10.2006, 20:17
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But the two jokers in the hole were db with his exwife and Al with Tabatha, causing the poker guru to say this a poker party not an orgy so get your two male scrawny butts and two female ghetto booties over to....
sunspun - 07.10.2006, 20:39
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the next table where you belong. "Dealer, the cards please..."
Down came the holecards, 2 per player, then the flop, which was....
valeria - 08.10.2006, 10:21
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The OLD MAID card with 2 fish! Someone's remarked that for the first time in history they finally had the makings of a good hand!
Guru's eyes were bugging out while he mumbled about all his brilliant students brains turning to mush.
A 4 year old (that should never have been up this late OR with this crowd) ran over and grabbed her Old Maild cards off the table.
Someone at the table..
sunspun - 08.10.2006, 11:31
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tried to grab them back, but the tot was too fast and got away with 'em. This turned out to be a good thing, because...
darrin6 - 08.10.2006, 15:45
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the esteemed Poker Guru had witnessed enough shannanigans. His high moral standards were being compromised by the very friends he invited. As he stood up to restore order, the slit in his Scottish kilt opened just enough to reveal the crotchless pantyhose underneath.....
sunspun - 08.10.2006, 16:24
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"At least I THINK that's what I saw!" thought darrin6, craning his neck in a futile attempt to catch another glimpse, but it was not to be, because the Guru had resumed his place at his table and had even managed to restore at least some semblance of order to the room.
"Let's try this again," intoned the Guru, and in his most authoritative voice, he said, "Dealer,..."
darrin6 - 08.10.2006, 17:52
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"From now on, PLEASE make sure you've removed the jokers. And let me remind you, kind sir, that deuces and one-eyed jacks, or anything else are NOT wild in Texas Holdem!" The Guru heard someone snickering. Looking in the direction of Orange Crush.......
sunspun - 08.10.2006, 18:33
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... he gave a furtive wink that only she saw, and then said, "...
valeria - 08.10.2006, 20:05
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"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" Everyone looked like they were playing musical chairs trying to find someplace to sit.
OC got up and started up her Bingo Machine. The balls were rolling around and her cat sitting on the table batted at them. The next thing you know....
sunspun - 08.10.2006, 20:36
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the poor cat missed and fell off the table, landing on his feet, of course, the only real damage being to his ego, as all the players around him roared in laughter.
With the distraction going on under the table, no one noticed the front door opening, and a latecomer strolling in...
darrin6 - 08.10.2006, 21:10
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None other than Dr. Crush!! What a snazzy dresser.... a white tuxedo complete with a flowing white cape, diamond-stud handled cane, monacle, and a white tophat! Maw took one look at him and said, ".......
valeria - 08.10.2006, 21:56
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"Ohhhhhhhh we have a magician! Wonder what he will pull out of that top hat!"
Meanwhile back at the tables...
char1984 - 09.10.2006, 05:15
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poker guru is shouting to get everyones attention to let them know....
valeria - 09.10.2006, 05:22
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he will never ever again do a story-line contest ever again! Of course he retains his right to change his mind! After all he is wearing crotchless fishnet stockings!
A hush falls over the room as for ONCE all dealers deal their cards at the same time! Will the poker game actually be played? Who will win? Who will lose? Who will make the biggest blunder of all time?
Everyone is still and then pick up their cards... When out of the blue..
sunspun - 10.10.2006, 09:17
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one final guest arrived, panting for breath and knocking over a potted plant upon entrance... "Hello everyone, sorry I'm late," said....
royalblush - 10.10.2006, 11:05
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Josie. "But I was riding with Mojo and she got me all confused with the "shortcuts" she claimed to know until I didn't have any idea in which direction we were even headed when she admitted she was lost and and told me, "Okay, smarty pants, you just........
sunspun - 10.10.2006, 11:10
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won yourself a seat at my table!"
They proceeded to join their table, and saw that the game was already in play. While awaiting their turn to play, ...
msholland - 10.10.2006, 11:29
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they heard a loud noise and all the lights went out.............what was happening?
allight - 10.10.2006, 15:14
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Well it was obvious OC had brought along all the power outages that delay CC bingo games--now affecting Guru's Poker Party. Guru shouted through the darkness, "Don't worry, we'll make up the poker game next week!" To which Valeria shouted back, "No need to, Guru. I'm the one with Al's vibrating underwear and these huge batteries will power your house for hours!" So after hooking the batteries to the fuse box, the CC gang was ready to play. 5,0000 players all seated, Guru telling the dealers to "Shuffle Em Up!". Oh no, a knock was at the door and it was the FBI.....
sunspun - 10.10.2006, 18:18
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A hush fell over the room, as the 3 dark-suited detectives sauntered in. Suddenly, all the players felt like kids who had been caught doing some unspeakable deed... something so reprehensible that any person with any morals at all would gladly see them imprisoned for! The guru felt the tension in the room. He felt a sudden wave of indignant righteousness, tinged with nausea, at the thought of his beloved game of poker being reduced in the eyes of the law to a low, immoral, and criminally liable act! What was so wrong with a few friends getting together to enjoy a game and socializing with each other that they would have to put themselves at risk of being charged with a crime for it?
He turned to the FBI men, and said, "...
msholland - 10.10.2006, 18:34
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....hi guys, you are just in time.how about joining us in the nicest and friendliest game in the world?"
darrin6 - 10.10.2006, 21:20
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"Cut the crepe Mr. Guru," said agent Stadenko. "This is about a certain pair of boots. This is a matter of national security and we have a boot sniffing canine unit at our disposal." Maw jumped up and said,"......
valeria - 10.10.2006, 22:46
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"Look! I can't help it if I stepped in your Top Secret Agent's Dog Poop and picked up a transmitter! It is deeply imbedded in my heel and makes walking in these boots dangerous!"
Agent Stadenko smiled and told Maw "Your legs looked mighty pretty in those boots ma'am, but we are going to have to remove them and take them to our headquarters. I assure you, you will get them back."
Maw screamed and scrambled under a table and grabbed Guru's legs. "You won't get my boots!!!"
Agent Stadenko signaled to his other men...
sunspun - 10.10.2006, 23:49
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... and with the speed and precision that comes only after months of rigorous training, the agents moved in, and ...
darrin6 - 11.10.2006, 03:18
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applied the long arms of the law. They tugged and pulled until Maw was extracated, still grasping what apppeared to be ripped and torn crotchless pantyhose, and a mysterious rope........
sunspun - 11.10.2006, 03:38
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which she tried to hide behind her back, so no one could see it. Her secretive maneuverings, however, served only to catch the attention of the agents. One of them demanded, "What's that you've got behind your back?"...
rainbow1 - 11.10.2006, 19:09
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it was the magical rope used to tie all the US lawmakers together to stop them from passing the anti gaming laws .....soon the world will be open to all gamers & justice will be mine....hahahahahaha............
sunspun - 11.10.2006, 23:10
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Wrong thing to say, Maw...
Now Agent Stinko... er, I mean Stadenko, may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knew not to let this rope get away.
"Men," he said, with a gesture toward the rope, "you know what to do."...
rainbow1 - 11.10.2006, 23:28
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capture her & get that rope back or i will have ALL of your winnings in every game you've ever played & i won't stop there, i will make sure you never gamble again...the men had no choice they..................
sunspun - 12.10.2006, 00:15
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knew what to do alright.
Seeing the determined look in the agents' eyes as they started to come after her, Maw started thinking this might not have been such a good idea after all.
Things were looking fairly grim until...
allight - 12.10.2006, 01:14
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...Db began dancing the routine he had used on a taping of Rugrats at Nickolodeob. Transfixed the FBI stared in awe and appreciation of DB's grace, dance knowledge and spectacular moves (Val seemed appreciative too!). Dancing out the door and into the night, the men followed Db as he led them away from the poker party and saving maw, her boots and her magical rope. 20 minutes later, Db was back saying "Don't worry about the FBI anymore, I....
sunspun - 12.10.2006, 01:47
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led them to my friend's dance studio and hooked 'em up with a week's worth of lessons each! I'm tellin' ya, that Rugrats routine of mine will do it every time! One look at that, and those boys would do anything I told 'em to do."
This explanation, believe it or not, seemed to satisfy everyone present, so...
PokerGuru - 12.10.2006, 13:11
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So, everybody half-slumped, half slid back down into their seats. At that very moment, the electricity came back and with everybody looking at everybody else, the place was suddenly overcome with laughter and pointing fingers from everyone.
Their words could hardly be understood through the hysterical laughter, but it was clear to see what they need not have said a word for everyone to notice.
All friends tho they were, not a one of them had ever seen another one of them looking like this! Like a rag-tagged, straggling army in the last century they appeared to be, as if on their way somewhere in retreat and on foot at that.
Hair all tangled and filled with spilled God-knows what, clothing ripped and torn, faces smudged with something no one was willing to take a guess to identify, arms and legs looking as if they had all just come from a mud-wrestling exhibition, THEY ALL LOOKED EQUALLY TERRIBLE AND AT THE SAME TIME, EQUALLY CUTE AND PRECIOUS!
But each one was embarrassed to mortification, and a mighty hush fell over the room. But not for long. Suddenly PokerGuru's voice rang out, although slowly and clearly and very calm.
"During this long intermission," he intoned, "I have had something special prepared to make you all feel wonderful and be ready come tomorrow for some serious poker."
They all looked at him in near shock, wondering what on earth it could be.
"No one is to move", he continued, "until your own personal valet comes to escort you to the torch-lit back yard where you will find two heated Olympic size swimming pools, temporarily converted to Roman style public baths and for each a valise of assorted toiletries, towels, and bathruobes."
"From there you will be led, when ready, to the adjoining side yard where a large number of tents with comfy cots are waiting, but you will not want to claim yours until you have spent all the time you wish at the long, candle-lit tables filled with so many varieties of delicacies and home-cooked food that you are bound to find something to match your tastes. At one end of each table is a fully stocked bar and at the other end, every imaginable type of coffees and teas."
There were gasps of disbelief as a long line of uniformed valets entered, smiling, and stood behind the chairs.
The Guru was almost, but not quite, finished for tonight. " I now must bid you all a wecoming good night and retire to my chambers until tomorrow when I shall greet you at brunch. One last thought, and I must depart. CRUSHERS, YOUR GURU LOVES YOU!"
And went that he disappeared, leaving his guests in the hands of their valets.
They all.................
sunspun - 12.10.2006, 17:53
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stared at each other for a moment, and then simultaneously burst out into excited laughter and talking about how lucky they were to have someone as generous and unpredictable as their dear PokerGuru.
A uniformed valet appeared beside each guest and began to walk them through the double doors into the back yard, dispeling any suspicions anyone might have had that the Guru was only teasing them as a practical joke about what lay in store for them outside.
In the torch-lit back yard, ...
darrin6 - 13.10.2006, 00:57
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The air was filled with moans and groans of pleasure as everyone indulged themselves in the calming comfort of the Guru-concocted confines. One person was heard to exclaim that their arthritic pain had all but disappeared. Another excitedly announced that their psoriasis cleared up instantly upon entering the waters. Many wonderful things were happening as a result of this obviously special atmosphere. All involved were touched in one way or another and a memorable night it was indeed.
sunspun - 13.10.2006, 01:04
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The Guru was sleeping peacefully inside, having fallen to sleep with no trouble at all, knowing in his heart that ...
char1984 - 13.10.2006, 15:45
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everyone was having such a great time and the party was now under control and tommorow the poker games would begin.when all of a sudden there was a LOUD noise and in came
sunspun - 13.10.2006, 17:28
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char1984, with a magnum bottle of Dom Perignon in hand! Wobbling more than a little tipsily, char1984 giggled, and said, "oh, Guru, ...
valeria - 15.10.2006, 01:54
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"Let's have a little drinkie poo to celebrate such a sucessful party so far!"
With that she promptly tripped over her own tipsy feet and passed out in Guru's arms.
Now considering she had somehow managed to enter the Guru's domain after he went to bed, he had a little problem.
How was he going to carry her out past everyone still roaming the halls with her passed out in his arms? CC, PC, OC and all would LOVE to see that and harrass him for a looooooooong time!
Stuffing her in the closet till morning was just a quick passing thought and then discarded. After all she might wake up in the dark.
Suddenly a brilliant idea came to him!
With a big smile on his face he.....
sunspun - 15.10.2006, 03:19
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realized that this just might be the perfect solution. And what more would you expect of such a resourceful and creative (and don't forget good-looking!) guy such as the Guru!
He found it impossible to wipe the big smile off his face as he somehow removed himself out from under the dead weight that was char1984 at the moment, and leaving her lying comfortably on the bed, he made his way to his walk-in closet, where he...
char1984 - 15.10.2006, 04:59
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found Val and Sunspun passed out cold on the floor both snoring as loud as could be. so now he knew if he tried to get through the party with all 3 he surely would be caught so he decided to.........
sunspun - 15.10.2006, 05:20
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modify his original brilliant plan by just a tad. Giving it some quick but careful thought, he decided this would work just as well as the original AND take into account his two new unexpected discoveries as well.
So... not letting this new UNEXPECTED development get in the way (nice try char hehee), he stepped over the 2 snoring bodies in the closet, and...
valeria - 15.10.2006, 05:24
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put them ALL on the bed and dress them all up in his clothes so they would look like men. Of course he was a gentleman so he closed his eyes as he did this. Needless to say dressing women in mens clothes with your eyes closed is hard to do and the finished project was quite hysterically funny.
He opened his window and looked outside very carefully and saw the coast was clear.
Now all he had to do was..
sunspun - 15.10.2006, 05:49
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find some smelling salts or something to get these women awake just enough to enable them to walk out the door, with his help, of course.
Hmm, maybe he hadn't thought this plan through as carefully as he thought he had, after all!
Then again, maybe he just needed to...
valeria - 15.10.2006, 05:50
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what happened to the open window? ROFL
darrin6 - 15.10.2006, 09:14
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Yes the window is where Guru flew in a flash.....
And gently disposed of the ladies with class.
When what by yonder wood should appear?
OC running naked? (whileskillfullynotspillingasingledropofherbeer!)
He captured OC in a flattering pose....
Digitally rendered (with both his eyes closed).
He prayed for his guests, then crawled into bed,
While trying to fathom what might lie ahead...
sunspun - 15.10.2006, 22:47
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His conscience was clear
No guilt did he fear,
Like a baby he slept,
And their secrets he kept...
valeria - 17.10.2006, 04:01
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The dawn awoke from it's sleepy slumber. Birds were singing. The smell of a cooking breakfast and hot coffee filtered throughout the house and tents waking the inhabitants.
One by one everyone awoke and wandered to the backyard where a breakfast buffet was laid out on a long table. Valets ready to serve.
The card tables were ready for play. Cards, chips and dealers at each table waiting for the guests.
Further away toward the trees by the house, 3 unrecognizable women (men?) were laying in the bushes just starting to stir.
Will the marathon poker game actually start today? Everyone is in an amiable mood as they walk around talking and eating.
The PokerGuru walks out of his house with a furtive glance by the trees and goes to the breakfast table. He smiles and talks with his guests.
Over in the corner..
sunspun - 17.10.2006, 05:47
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is a massive ice sculpture, shaped to look like the Ace of Spades! Wow! Bet that was tough to make!
The Guru decided to return to his room to retrieve the clothes left behind by those who had a little too much fun the night before...
msholland - 17.10.2006, 12:18
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......when suddenly he remembered he had to make that very special phonecall ..........
sunspun - 18.10.2006, 01:07
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(ed. note: I'm just laughing, picturing the Guru, walking first one way, then stopping and turning to go another way, then another way, then another... depending on what the story says he's gonna do!)
"That's right," he thought, "I'd better say a quick good morning to everyone, make sure everyone's alright and that nobody needs anything, and then I'll go find a phone..."
PokerGuru - 19.10.2006, 09:50
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The pleasant and resonating sound of the Guru's voice brought the group to a smiling silence as he graciously bowed to them and said, as tho quoting poetry, "How happy I am to greet you this fine morning, beloved guests and best of my friends. No faces could I be happier to see this day. It is a good morning, is it not?" And someone's voice, giggly but sincere, replied.........
sunspun - 19.10.2006, 17:31
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"I think those 'fellows' over there in the bushes, the ones moaning, holding their heads, and shielding their eyes from the sun, might have a different opinion of how good a day it is!"
Everyone turned to look at...
msholland - 19.10.2006, 21:22
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...the window.and you heard them all thinking:" Aint this story ever coming to an end...........?"
char1984 - 20.10.2006, 00:48
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but the story could not come to an end as it just begun and no poker game had even been played yet do to the crazy night before so therefore....
sunspun - 20.10.2006, 03:56
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therefore, the story will resume! Especially since the contest isn't set to end til the end of the month!
So, anyway, everyone turned to look at the "fellows" in the bushes, the ones moaning and clutching their heads and shielding their eyes from the sun, and ...
char1984 - 20.10.2006, 05:33
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Geno, holding his head and moaning very loudly as each and every little noise made his head throb...He looked at poker guru and said....
sunspun - 20.10.2006, 06:02
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"OK if I land my helicopter here, Guru?"
He signaled to the pilot to turn off the landing lights, which had been almost as bright as the early morning sun.
Looking down at the three oddly-dressed guests sprawled near his feet, he said, "Looks like I'm not the only one who had a little too much to drink last night... that ride here in the helicopter was sheer torture! Glad to find everything so calm and most importantly... QUIET, here!"
"Geno!" exclaimed the Guru, who could barely contain his excitement...
"Ouch, not so loud please!" begged Geno, wincing.
The Guru lowered his voice, and continued, "It's so good to see you, my friend! I was just greeting all our wonderful guests a good morning, then I was off to give you a phone call! I was dreading it though, because I was so afraid to hear you say you might not be able to make it. Last time we talked, you weren't sure if your schedule would allow it or not."
Geno said, "Yes, but I ended up not having to...
darrin6 - 20.10.2006, 06:51
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....serve as Master of Ceremonies at the Pornographic Unionization Symposium." While the Guru was processing this information, Geno scanned the crowd and saw many familiar faces. He asked the Poker Guru,"Can I borrow your digital camera? I'd like to remember this day and I didn't pack mine, since they aren't allowed at the P.U.S." The Guru, being the gracious host, obliged Geno and woke up the remaining guests. But while he was converting one of the pools into an Olympic-sized coffee maker, the Guru blushed when he remembered the incriminating photo on the camera
....
valeria - 20.10.2006, 08:32
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OBIWAN and YODA! They heard PokerGuru was having a month long poker game and they didn't want to miss it! Time travel gets a little boring after awhile and you just want to plant your butt in one spot for awhile.
They had heard and read about this generations fascination with Poker and they wanted to come and see it played first hand...
In a galaxy far far away...
valeria - 20.10.2006, 08:35
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ROFLLLLMAOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOPS!
That previous message was for the flash of light from the heavens part! hahahaah I missed this last section before I answered... please ignore my post and continue where darrin left off.... hahahahaahahaha
darrin6 - 20.10.2006, 09:32
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....serve as Master of Ceremonies at the Pornographic Unionization Symposium." While the Guru was processing this information, Geno scanned the crowd and saw many familiar faces. He asked the Poker Guru,"Can I borrow your digital camera? I'd like to remember this day and I didn't pack mine, since they aren't allowed at the P.U.S." The Guru, being the gracious host, obliged Geno and woke up the remaining guests. But while he was converting one of the pools into an Olympic-sized coffee maker, the Guru blushed when he remembered the incriminating photo on the camera
.....
sunspun - 20.10.2006, 13:08
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that he had just lent to Geno.
Setting aside the two-ton bag of coffee he was about to pour into the pool of boiling water, he hurried off to find Geno, just to be safe...
PokerGuru - 20.10.2006, 17:07
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Oh, Heavens to Betsy, my budding authors and blooming idiots, PLEASE be merciful in your telling of this story and don't get your Guru fired from this job I love for letting a contest get completely out of control!
Your story is wonderful so far, but with a guru's foresight I can envision it going in directions where it should not, so PLEASE remember to let each character maintain a reasonable amount of decorum and couth.
Thank you very much. And forgive me for interrupting the telling so abuptly. I leave you to it now.
Carry on, keeping this message in mind, please. Carry on with your fascinating yarn that I did, after all, ask for.
Your appreciative Host and PokerGuru
char1984 - 20.10.2006, 20:19
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but poker guru could not find geno as he was looking through the pictures that both were on the camera and all the new ones and he was so impressed by all the wonderful pictures that the poker guru had taken. He got to see all these fantastic pictures of all the professional poker players and all the casino crushers having such a wonderful time. Geno was so impressed he.......
cindy7186 - 20.10.2006, 23:57
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the evil leprehan laughing outloud,because he had capture the three woman with hangovers dressed in mens clothing.he found this very amusing he told the guru i will return your he woman to you if you can find the pot of gold and then like a flash
cindy7186 - 21.10.2006, 00:04
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dis regard my last post it was supposed tobe the part wth the bright light in the bushes sorry i will try again
cindy7186 - 21.10.2006, 00:19
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decided to throw an extra special party for the guru and all the crushers,for being such a fun group of people.he decided he would surprize them all with...
sunspun - 21.10.2006, 02:14
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an announcement about his newly planned, upcoming party right after the winners of this weekend's poker tournament were decided.
Geno was very excited about his idea to have another party for everyone soon, but for now, he had to put all thoughts of that out of his mind... in fact, he had to put all thoughts of everything out of his mind for now, everything, that is, except POKER. Because, like all the other guests here at this time, he was about to begin to play!
notLOL - 21.10.2006, 07:59
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Quote: › an announcement about his newly planned, upcoming party right after the winners of this weekend's poker tournament were decided.
Geno was very excited about his idea to have another party for everyone soon, but for now, he had to put all thoughts of that out of his mind... in fact, he had to put all thoughts of everything out of his mind for now, everything, that is, except POKER. Because, like all the other guests here at this time, he was about to begin to play!
Take your seats Crushers and put your poker faces on.....
valeria - 21.10.2006, 09:23
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A hush fell across the yard as everyone waited to play. The cards were dealt.
The usual opening bids begin. Where of course there is always some idiot who goes all in before the flop. Looks like one of those "cock fighting squadron people" or whatever they are ROFL
Valeria is holding an Ace King and is soooooooo tempted but even through the fog of last night festivities she can hear Guru's voice... No Valeria.. remember all you have is high card.. if only she could remember what she did last night...
She folds...
NonoNanette - 21.10.2006, 11:08
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And so the first hand of the day plays out and everyone settled in. All of the sudden a scream is heard from one of the tents..... Maw, who had slept in a bit longer than the others, stepped out barefooted and yelled....
sunspun - 21.10.2006, 12:01
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"EEK! I can't believe I overslept! And I can't believe you all started without me!! What did I miss? What did I miss?" she shrieked, as she ran toward her designated seat, pink fluffy bunny slippers flapping as she ran.
She grabbed a visor from someone as she ran by, and when she took her seat, she snatched a pair of sunglasses off the player sitting next to her. (No time for makeup, etc., remember.) (Beauty sleep indeed.)
She waited for the current hand to finish, feeling a little better when she realized she'd only missed out on one hand. Finally, the next hand's cards were dealt, and as she peeked at her two cards, she could barely contain her excitement! "Pocket rockets!" she thought to herself, although she really wished she could have said it out loud.
"Oh, wow, I'm so glad I got here for this hand... and to think I almost missed having pocket aces... boy, was that lucky," she thought, while trying hard to keep her "poker face" on.
"But don't get too excited now, because remember, they do look good, but they're still ... JUST A PAIR."
But what a pair!
When her turn came, she ...
NonoNanette - 21.10.2006, 16:03
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put her hand near her chips ready to push them all in until she felt a pair of eyes seemingly watching her from behind. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Guru standing there taking in all the action. That's all it took for her and she calmly called the bet and waited for the flop.
sunspun - 21.10.2006, 17:14
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When the flop came down, it wasn't just NonoNanette who was having a hard time keeping her poker face on... Holding the King and Ten of spades in hand, notLOL was thrilled to see the Ace of spades, Jack of spades, and nine of clubs on the table...
notLOL - 21.10.2006, 19:21
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Quote: ›
A hush fell across the yard as everyone waited to play. The cards were dealt.
The usual opening bids begin. Where of course there is always some idiot who goes all in before the flop. Looks like one of those "cock fighting squadron people" or whatever they are ROFL
Valeria is holding an Ace King and is soooooooo tempted but even through the fog of last night festivities she can hear Guru's voice... No Valeria.. remember all you have is high card.. if only she could remember what she did last night...
She folds...
and Guru smiles relieved.....and then realizes there are other crushers who may click the all in .......just then Guru remembers....as a smilelights his face......
sunspun - 21.10.2006, 23:50
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his first tournament, many many moons ago (or at least many many hands ago). He remembers the thrill he felt, and how he first realized that this was something he had to continue doing for as long as he lived, and loving every minute of it. Even those minutes that he hated, when everything went wrong, he loved, for the sheer experience of this game that he had discovered that suited him so well.
He smiled because he knew that some of these players, his disciples, felt that same thing just now. And he felt a sense of gratification to have been able to inspire in some of them a love for the game that he had loved for a long time.
He also smiled at notLOL's use of the term "click the all in button", when what she was playing was a game at a real table, not a game online. It was funny to watch her sitting in her seat, hitting the table over and over again, trying to click the all in button that wasn't there (not when you're at a real table).
But when she finally remembered that she wasn't playing online, she had had enough time to re-think her urge to go all in this early in the tournament, and decided to just bet instead...
notLOL - 22.10.2006, 03:26
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Quote: › his first tournament, many many moons ago (or at least many many hands ago). He remembers the thrill he felt, and how he first realized that this was something he had to continue doing for as long as he lived, and loving every minute of it. Even those minutes that he hated, when everything went wrong, he loved, for the sheer experience of this game that he had discovered that suited him so well.
He smiled because he knew that some of these players, his disciples, felt that same thing just now. And he felt a sense of gratification to have been able to inspire in some of them a love for the game that he had loved for a long time.
He also smiled at notLOL's use of the term "click the all in button", when what she was playing was a game at a real table, not a game online. It was funny to watch her sitting in her seat, hitting the table over and over again, trying to click the all in button that wasn't there (not when you're at a real table).
But when she finally remembered that she wasn't playing online, she had had enough time to re-think her urge to go all in this early in the tournament, and decided to just bet instead...
"with her poker face ON" ......knew that would have been a bluff....to all in....and important note made.....Gurus skilled students dont all in.....
sunspun - 22.10.2006, 04:15
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unless they're holding the nuts, and possibly short-stacked, and only then if they've been studying their opponents' behavior very well.
When notLOL made her bet, she was disappointed to watch all the players fold, one by one, until it got to the only one left, NonoNanette.
She watched carefully as it came time for NonoNanette to make her move, silently willing her to "call, call, call".
"Call," said NonoNanette, finally.
"Alright!" thought notLOL, and she refrained from adding (even in her own mind) "sucker!" (Hehee)
NonoNanette was thinking precisely the same thing, holding her pair of aces, with an ace on the table. Since notLOL's bid hadn't been that big, she figured notLOL to be holding a Jack. If she was right, she knew notLOL already would have a pair of jacks, but she'd have also a straight draw as well as a flush draw.
So although her trips Aces looked darn good, she just called the bet, instead of raising. "Don't want to scare her off anyway," she thought. "Maybe she's only got a 9..."
So then came the turn, which didn't change anything much, since it was only the 5 of hearts...
(ed. note: hope I got all my poker lingo right in this post! I'd hate to sound like um ... a fish? lol)"
notLOL - 22.10.2006, 06:05
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just because im confused again....maw had pocket rockets ithought....
sunspun - 22.10.2006, 06:44
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Oooops you're right, I was thinking that was Nono... sorry bout that - but it's all the same - just substitute Maw's name for nonoNanette's name in my last 2 posts! Then continue from there...!
sorry!!!
notLOL - 22.10.2006, 13:26
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notLOL looks around .... and knows Maws got somethin better than high card..pair of fives would beat my hand...still looking around tryin to find where to click "check/fold"... again realizes....she is not at her computer...shakes her head and laughs .......thinking to herself...why couldnt i just checked instead of bettin on a possiblity.....its only the second hand ...and i am playing poker with skilled poker crushers!!! geez look at all them poker faces.......better fold until the blind is mine. and watch the others use their skills ,,.........our Guru Lessons ......
sunspun - 22.10.2006, 15:24
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Maw kicked herself for betting too high and making notLOL fold (or so she thought). Little did she know that the last card that would have been dealt was the Queen of spades, which means notLOL folded, yep, a royal flush. Which beats 3 aces anyday.
But no one was to know this, since the hand didn't make it to the river, so no one saw that last card...
After pushing the pot to Maw, who was smiling ear to ear now that she could finally let her delight show, the dealer started to deal everyone in for the next hand, when he was interrupted by someone saying, "...
(ed. note: notLOL, I wouldnt have given u a royal flush if u hadn't folded! Didn't know what I was gonna say til then and then I had to! jk!)
cindy7186 - 23.10.2006, 16:57
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well would you look at that...
notLOL - 23.10.2006, 23:33
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You wouldnt believe it....
sunspun - 24.10.2006, 05:20
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if you couldn't see it with your own two eyes... but ...
PokerGuru - 24.10.2006, 05:53
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This is PokerGuru and I have to break in here for just a moment to let you all know that I am beaming with pride at how professional your poker "thoughts" and expressions are being used in this story!
You sound just like my poker pro friends and that is what has me beaming with pride in you!
You certainly remember your lessons well! No wonder you are getting more and more excited about your playing of the game online!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't wait til you can start bragging about all the big money you are bringing in! Which reminds me, it's time to prepare another lesson for you, unless you want some more discussion of the previous one. If so, just start a new line of questions for me.
CARRY ON WITH YOUR GREAT STORY! Sorry to interrupt.
char1984 - 24.10.2006, 07:33
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It was so unbelieveable
notLOL - 24.10.2006, 09:01
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well maybe you would.....Quote: › OBIWAN and YODA! They heard PokerGuru was having a month long poker game and they didn't want to miss it! Time travel gets a little boring after awhile and you just want to plant your butt in one spot for awhile.
They had heard and read about this generations fascination with Poker and they wanted to come and see it played first hand...
wow ....
sunspun - 24.10.2006, 10:59
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"Wow! Geno's fallen asleep! Think we should wake him up?"...
msholland - 24.10.2006, 11:51
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..........nope......
char1984 - 24.10.2006, 19:02
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he had such a long night that it would be better if he got some sleep
sunspun - 24.10.2006, 22:00
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So the dealer fetched a "SITTING OUT" sign to place in front of the still snoozing Geno, and the game resumed...
char1984 - 26.10.2006, 07:09
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then others seeing the sign decided that was such a good idea that they decided to make signs for all the very tired sleeping poker players..........
notLOL - 26.10.2006, 18:35
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so then things got quiet.
sunspun - 27.10.2006, 08:24
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but only for a minute, because making signs doesn't take very long.
When the signmaking was done, THEN the game resumed...
msholland - 27.10.2006, 16:47
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Geno was snorking in his sleep, and talking too.what was he saying?..it sounded like: To hell with our queen.............no!!!!!!!!!!!!!..he was dreaming about : HALOWEEN
char1984 - 27.10.2006, 20:56
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LOL
cindy7186 - 28.10.2006, 00:28
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suddenly geno awoke with a smile on his face ,what a wonderfull dream he said with glee!
sunspun - 28.10.2006, 04:07
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... I dreamt I'd been invited to an exclusive Poker Tournament to be held the weekend before Hallowe'en at the Guru's -- hey, wait a minute, where the heck am I?" he said, shaking his head back and forth, trying to fully wake up.
And the Guru replied, "You're in a dream come true, Geno!...
char1984 - 28.10.2006, 05:27
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and you have sooooooo many crushers that want to meet you. All of a sudden orange appeared and said.......
sunspun - 28.10.2006, 10:01
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"Geno! It's great to see you, even if you do look like something the cat dragged in... er, and then dragged back out again... where'd you have so much fun at last night anyway -- do u remember?"...
NonoNanette - 28.10.2006, 14:07
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Geno answered "nooooooooo 
LOL but anyway thats not important.
Come on Crushers, lets play some poker! In my dream I saw myself winning, do you think it could come true??"
msholland - 28.10.2006, 14:56
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x1pnwjjkhj3oxouieooeywchx5rxudneozusbt9mbfmn6cfrzngsbzr3.gif
msholland - 28.10.2006, 14:57
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that was supposed to be a funny picture............owowowowow me and my pc
sunspun - 28.10.2006, 19:13
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"You gotta beat me first!" replied every one of the other players simultaneously!
"Wow, guess I better get busy then," said Geno, and sat back down at his table. He adjusted his dark glasses, signaled the valet for a bottled water, chugged it in one swig, requested one more please, and then said, "...
cindy7186 - 29.10.2006, 18:51
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let the games begin!!!
beckie33 - 29.10.2006, 21:33
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The dealer begin to deal the cards when.....
msholland - 29.10.2006, 21:48
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.......finally happened where all pokerplayers are most afraid off..........
sunspun - 30.10.2006, 03:42
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Afraid? Poker players are FEARLESS!
But even so... an eerie silence filled the room, as...
cindy7186 - 30.10.2006, 04:52
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one of the poker players spilled her bloody mary all over the poker table what a mess exclaimed ...
sunspun - 30.10.2006, 14:29
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cindy7186. "How could anybody be so careless as to let that happen!," she asked, and as she reached across the table to hand over a bunch of napkins, she knocked over her own drink too!
"Oh no!...
cindy7186 - 31.10.2006, 04:55
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im so sorry everyone im such a clumsy ox!! said cindy7186 let me clean up thi mess ...
PokerGuru - 01.11.2006, 00:09
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THEN.......everyone hastily jumped in to help clean up the liquids , now beginning to splash a few cards.......only to SPILL MORE DRINKS!
OMG! I think I can predict the October's end ENDING ......incredibly brilliant and FUNNY, FUNNY ending to this amazing story......
I swear One of the best stories I have read in my life.......
CARRY ON, sweethearts of my heart!
Your appreciative Guru
PokerGuru - 01.11.2006, 14:42
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Sooooooooo........
In one of the most huge messes of spilled drinks on cards, table, and people in the history of Poker, the great weekend Poker Party came to ......................................................................................................
..........................................................................................................
..........................................................................................................THE END
cindy7186 - 01.11.2006, 22:31
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thanks or that contest guru i had alot of fun with it.
mojojds - 02.11.2006, 03:36
Post subject: contest
WTG CRUSHERS
GOOD STORY TELLING... MEANS ... VERY GOOD BLUFFERS
WOOOOO HOOOOOO
mojojds
PokerGuru - 02.11.2006, 04:40
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AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPY EVER AFTER!
My heart-melting PoCrushers............
What a blast! WOWZERS! I have enjoyed your efforts so much. This is one contest I shall never forget.
PLEASE FORGIVE MY BEING A DAY OR TWO LATE IN JUDGING> I don't think I have to say a word of explanation "why" to you!!!!!!!!! You have proved to be quite sharp enough to KNOW why!!!!!!!
Your EXTREMELY proud PokerGuru
char1984 - 02.11.2006, 19:58
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well told poker story lol. sounded alot like a fisherman story except i forgot to let everyone know before poker guru hit the end i was dealt a royal flush lolol
sunspun - 03.11.2006, 00:10
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haha char1984, why don't we just make that TWO royal flushes while we're at it!
In fact, how about one... no, 2! for everyone?!
BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME
lol
It was definitely an eventful story alright... I think I'll read it aloud to someone, the whole story all together, and see what they think!
Great job everyone - thanks for the contest Guru and OC!
sunspun
valeria - 09.11.2006, 17:42
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Oh maaan! I just get back online from moving and didn't get to put in my last few shots at this story!!
Great Fun all!! You were hilarius, sharp and we should publish this! hahahaha
PokerGuru - 10.11.2006, 03:04
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I am so glad that so many of you are happy with your story! You have every reason to be.
I have received so many messages praising your use of your poker vocabulary and your poker know-how thruout the story, even if so many events kept a game from ever getting finished!
Even Geno said he hopes we have another story sometime. He spent a whole hour reading just that story at one time, and said he laughed all the way thru it, as well as being impressed at your knowledge of poker which the poor guy does NOT share. At least he freely admits it! Something to be said for that kind of honesty.
Just wanted to let you know I am ALMOST finished with the judging!
And to thank you for being so forgiving of the hard time I am having with that particular task!
Wouldn't you love to see that story acted out as a play??????
Your Guru
char1984 - 10.11.2006, 05:15
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I totally agree poker Guru and what a very funny play it would be
valeria - 10.11.2006, 06:57
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ROFL!! OMG! I would do like OC and wet my pants with laughter if that was a play!!!! Almost like Rocky Horror Show hahahahahahahahahaha!
valeria - 10.11.2006, 07:04
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What is it about this forum that my typing goes completly whacko?! Dropped letters like in hilarious I have hilarius hahaha...... oh well you can all read typo quite well now can't you?
PokerGuru - 10.11.2006, 09:03
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Yes, Valeria......we are all good, by necessity, at reading Crusher typing!
I just wanted to let you know I loved that movie, "The Rocky Horror Movie Picture Show"!
I went with a group of friends in a big city at midnight. We were all dressed as characters in the movie and we had all the props with us and had memorized all the words like, "You have no neck!"
I am roflmbo at the memories. And your story would be in that category!
Your Guru.
P.S, It is judged and winners are announced in a seperate post under POKER LESSONS.
Your Guru
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